Where to start...

I guess the beginning. I have suffered from pain as long as I can remember. I remember waking in the night in awful pain. I went to my parents room, doubled over, telling my mom my stomach hurt. I didn't know how else to describe it. The next day I got my first period. I was 12, and my life would never be the same.

From then on I had pain from month to month, often missing school. At 14, the pain was severe enough to land me in the ER. I could barely walk. They found blood in my urine, but no infection. I was sent to a urologist for a possible kidney stone. He performed an IVP... no stones present, he checked for a hernia... no hernia, he said, "I think she has endometriosis." My life would never be the same.

I remember crying in the parking lot. What did this mean? I was so young. I fought the pain for a couple more years, going on rx anti inflammatories and pain meds. Then, at 16 I finally went to the gyn. She was awful. I didn't feel comfortable. She agreeded that it was probably endo and prescribed celebrex and bcp. The celebrex never helped. The pill helped a little. I eventually went on the pill continuously and saw some relief. I missed a lot of school, but made it through. I was scared. I struggled a lot. I turned 18, moved out of town, and found a new gyn. While seeing him, I got off the pill and had my first lap. Extensive endometriosis. I remember that. I don't remember much, because I was groggy, but I remember that. It was on my bladder and ovaries. The recovery was hell. Every time I peed, I thought I might die. It was official, I had endo... my life would never be the same.

He suggested depot Lupron, I googled it and said, "no thank you!" My first period after that lap was some of the worst pain of my life. I remember lying in the bath in my apartment; I could barely move. I remember calling my mom in tears, hardly speaking. I was doped up on vicodin. I missed class after class. After that I got engaged to the love of my life. We would marry in May. Cycle after cycle, I was in pain. I didn't know what to do. The cycle before my wedding fell 20 something days before my wedding, meaning I would be on for my wedding. That would not do. We had this beautiful wedding planned, and a Mexican honeymoon. I wouldn't even be able to make it down the aisle. I went back on the pill, and started searching for a new doctor. My sister was looking as well, and she had found someone. Following out wedding, I had my first appointment with Dr. Silverberg, a reproductive endocrinologist... my life would never be the same.

He was wonderful, knowledgeable, and a little arrogant, but I didn't mind, he deserved to be. He scheduled my second lap, just 10 months after the first. He found endo on my ovaries as well as nodular (or a tumor as he worded it) endometriosis on my uterosacrel ligaments. He excised it, sent it for biopsy which came back as endo, no surprise. At my post op he urged me to consider Lupron. He was confident, and said "what are you so worried about?" The truth was, I was worried about everything. I was going to be in menopause. That is not normal. What would this mean for my new marriage? What would this mean for my future? I figured, I didn't really have any other options. When I went to pick up my first injection from the pharmacy, I bought a fancy box of chocolates. After all, I was putting myself in menopause the next day, I deserved it. I went to the RE's office, evil injection in hand, and my sweet nurse Jen gave me the shot and an rx for hormone replacement therapy... my life would never be the same.

The side effects were tough. Hot flashes, mood swings, low libido, all that fun stuff, but the pain was less. It was a relief, for the first time, in a long time. I continued to do the monthly injections until I felt good enough to give bcp another try. It didn't last long. The pain returned. I went back on Lupron after a few months off. In Oct 06, I had another lap. One of my ovaries was adhered to the wall, there were a few patched of endo he removed, as well as removing portions of my uterosacrels. Recovery was easy. I went to my post op; he gave me "the talk" letting me know it was time to consider having a baby, if it was something we wanted. I was game, but dh would need some persuasions. I got one last lupron shot and set up a fertility consultation. The consult came... my life would never be the same.

I will leave it at that for tonight.