Where I am now

Cooper's life has been filled with trials we never could have imagined. He is one tough little boy who has been through so much, but seems that he is finally making his way over the hill and turning into a healthy, thriving boy. I thank God everyday for healing our son the way He has. I finally have some time to look at my own health now.

My cycle was suppressed while nursing Cooper; it was so nice, but I still had pain. It varied from time to time, but there was one particularly awful time when I worried I might have an ectopic pregnancy. Not sure what that was about. I got a shot of toridal and quickly recovered. I have seen my RE once since delivering. He told me he wanted for me to be either pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or completely suppressed. He never wanted my cycling, because if I am, it is inevitable, endo will grow. Of course I believe that the Lord is capable of healing me of this, but am fulling accepting if He does not. I asked about our future of conceiving and if he believed I could conceive on my own. He said, it would be fine to try a few months on our own, but would put me back on injectables in a heartbeat. As soon as I got my cycle back after weaning Cooper, I started on continuous bcp. I have only had one cycle since and it was difficult.

During my pregnancy, I had a boat load of issues. I had pre term contractions early on due to a kidney stone. It blocked my kidney at 31w, and I was forced to have a stint placed inorder to renew kidney function. It was awful. Once delivered, I had lithotripsy to break up the stone, then had the stint removed. My bladder has never been the same. I had multiple occasions with symptoms of bladder infections (blood in the urine, flank pain, ect) but no infection present. I would empty my bladder, stand up, and need to go again. I can go some time without a bathroom break, but once I go, I need to go over and over. I have pain often, with all sorts of activities. I stumbled across IC, and began to see how I fit all the symptoms. I mentioned it to my obgyn, and he kind of wrote it off at the time. He suggested I try pelvic physical therapy to retrain my muscles and bladder. I only went a few times; I think it could have helped, but it was hard to find the time with an often sick baby.

I have come to realize that I have some degree of gluten intolerance. I believe it is Celiac, but am not officially diagnosed. I am completely gluten free and vastly dairy free now, which can be helpful for endo. My pain has recently gotten increasingly worse, and I haven't had a lap since Oct 06, so I decided it was time to schedule one and see what is going on. Before I could get it scheduled, I had a bought with severe pain. They had me go for a urinalysis. It came back with lots of blood present. That explained it, I had a raging infection. But the culture came back clean. There was no explanation for the blood. I told my obgyn and asked if this could be from endo on the bladder. He said it was possible, but felt that it was more likely from irritation in the bladder, aka IC. He is wanting to find me a urogyn. I am tentatively scheduled for a lap on June 11, but have an appointment on May 22, so things could change.

That's where I am now. I'm in some sort of pain every day. I can't wait for that appointment. I am trying to learn what I can about IC, and work through my emotions here. It is hard to think of another diagnoses that doesn't have a cure. It is also hard knowing I can't just get rid of my bladder as I plan to with my uterus and ovaries. The good thing is, I far as I know, this won't further affect my fertility, but I don't know what our plans are with that anyhow. That is for another post though. I'm trying to deal, and remember that God is sovereign. That this is only for a season, even if that season last the rest of my life. I will one day be healed. I have to remember that. That is what keeps me going.