been awhile

Well, I was a very good blogger at first, but as of late, I have not been keeping up so well. I have written at least a blog a day in my head, but finding the time to sit down and get it in type has been difficult. I have been very busy with the photography biz, last week had a sick baby, this week I've been sick. Time is lacking.

I think that sometimes having the energy to put these thoughts in words is what I really struggle with. It makes it more real, and heaven knows it is sometimes easier to just hold them in. It is even easier to put them here, in a blog, then share them with my IRL loved ones. I hope to be better at that.

On Thursday I was lucky enough to get to meet 2 beautiful children. They were adopted by a friend, Melissa and her family, from Uganda about a year ago. this was my first time meeting them. I got to spend time with them, and even photography them. My oh my they are beautiful. The boy's sweet little ancient and the girl's desire to eat everything in sight because she spent the first 3 years of her life in an orphanage. Oh, how they pulled at my heartstrings, melted me with every smile. I wish you all could meet them too. They are perfect.

I knew what meeting them would do. Anyone who knows me knew what my meeting them would do. I want that. There is a place in my heart for adoption, that desires it so. I have for years and years, every since I learned about the endo. I want to show a child that kind of love, the love of Jesus. I want to be a mother to the motherless. Wow! Putting it down makes my desire so real. I want to show Cooper how to love no matter. I want that.

Today, I spoke with my best friend. She is expecting her first. We discussed labor, breastfeeding, the first weeks, ect. My heart goes there, to having another baby. There are times when I fully cannot imagine not having another. Not feeling another move in my belly, not going through labor, not nursing another. I want that.

How selfish am I? Terribly! I want it all. But maybe I don't, perhaps I just want to adopt, or maybe just try and have another of our own. Really, I don't have a clue. I am sure now though that I don't want just one. I will be completely happy with just one, if that is how it goes, but it isn't my desire. That is clear to me now. I am so glad that I don't have to decide any of this today. I am also so glad that it isn't in my control. I am SO SO glad that I have a sovereign God who has a plan for me.